One day.

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Yeah, my day off.

I was planning this day so much since I was bored and sick of work yet still it took a slight turn. And although nothing too much happened I would like to write about it here.

Surprisingly I woke up kinda early, before my alarm. Since I’m not able to rest for a really long time now it was really unexpected to wake up that early, probably my biological clock is messed up. PhotoGrid_1498057752987.jpg

I got out of bed, cleaned my room a bit while water was boiling, ate little and started my morning routine, which, in fact, consists of only washing my face and brushing teeth:D (ALSO can You see how I love rabbits)
I started procrastinating with YouTube, checked email, did some bookings.. put on some make up and nice clothes and went out to complete my day.
I bought some (okay, a lot of) socks I needed and headed out to the Gym. I bought my membership in April and I really loved it (although my personal trainer wasn’t so good or useful and I would always feel bad near him) and after our last training with him (before Easter in May) I slacked off and going there today, after all this time, was a really stressful and awkward feeling.. I found myself going anywhere but gym thinking of any reasons I shouldn’t go.
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Yet I ended up there. And also, it was my first time going there alone. So that’s an achievement for me:D (a multiple, actually.) I couldn’t do much but still proud of myself and my babysteps.
After Gym I went on another cardio – shopping.:’) I spent waaay too much money on unnecessary things, like
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but it’s cute. I needed that. I will wear it. It was on sale okay? Well, at least I comfort myself like that:D

Today’s weather was unsettled, where was that gale-force-wind and I was really scared it would blow away not only my cap but me as well. Seriously. BUT AT THE same time sun was shining with no shame and rain started pouring down and sun was shining again the other second and ANYWAY. I was at the park sitting under the Jasmin tree (which actually dragged me to that place), enjoying gusts of wind, sunshine and moment itself.PhotoGrid_1498057899460
obviously I had to take some pictures, I love the scent, tree, and everything.

Place had a little bush of roses, too. It was lovely.
On my way back home it started raining and I was unable to pick up some field flowers to bring home but maybe I will be able to do it tomorrow. Of course, I had no umbrella so I got soaking wet and now I will cuddle up with my blanket and hope I won’t get sick. I think I will chill and binge-watch some Shane conspiracy videos once more.. or ridiculous videos of him trying on girly stuff. I don’t even know:o


Tomorrow (I hope) I will be home alone so I will be able to learn something on my Ukulele. I have a playlist of songs which I would really like to learn, BUT it will be hard and I don’t know how to do so since not every song has any type of tutorial on the Internet.. but maybe I will manage to learn by myself >< so I would use any help :’) or I will give up D: I HOPE NOT

aaaanyway. That’s it. Yeeah. Going on YouTube now, bye!:D


yowita

p.s. I am really happy being able to chill, seriously.  Had a really harsh and stressful period recently so it’s sooooo refreshing to walk there enjoying myself. Having time for myself. Being excited of everything turning out really well. I would totally recommend it to anyone!

It’s raining

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So I’ve been working for a really long time with no day off and it’s raining when I have one. Great.
Yet still I try to enjoy it and make it productive. And one of the things I wanted to do is to write here something because this time I definitely have something to share and just want to talk here.
After a gap year I decided to go and study in Poland, Cracow, preferably. And since I have so little time left here I want to take my time here and fall in love with Vilnius as many times as possible. To discover it, go to places I’ve never been before. To learn.
And recently on my day off I met my friend and we decided to wander around, then she got a phone call from her mother asking, if we would like to go to the National Opera and Ballet Theatre in Vilnius. Of course, we agreed yet we were not ready in any way. We had so little time to get dressed, yet we made it in a way, and had fun watching “Die Fledermaus” (“The Bat” J. Strauss) – operette which I enjoyed. I thought I would be bored or annoyed by singing, yet I really liked it. 1

I wasn’t allowed to film or take pictures of any scene, yet I took some on a break.
To go there was one of my goals by the time I leave. Tickets there are pricy and I am so happy I was able to go there for free! It was an amazing experience and I couldn’t be more thankfull for being in the right place at the right time. (although I wasn’t dressed well for such an occasion, ugh, it doesn’t matter:D)
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Yesterday I went to the library and got my hand on the book I wanted to read for a really long time, my friend suggested me this and I tried looking up for it and yesterday was the day I got it!:D later I wandered through the city. Went to the cinema. And that’s it, I guess.:D
The weather today if quite bad: heavy wind, rain, yet temperature is not so low. Today I was in the Church and went home after that. Now I will chill, plan my another month, do some research and take some decisions on my future studies.
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I brought some lilac home and it smells fantastic over here. I love it!


That was a quick post on my recent activity and some happiness.

yowitha

Spring-ish time in film

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It’s been almost 3 months since I shared here me analog camera pictures. I was feeling sad about it, because it seemed to me that I wasn’t progressing and making any good shots. As if I was just wasting my time, money, and my effort isn’t buying off. But I tried once again and today got my pictures which, to be honest, made me feel really good and I am kind of proud of myself this time. It was really cold recently, (we had snow!:O) and now it is slowly getting more and more warm and I couldn’t be more happy about it!
OKAY, so let me show You what I’ve got.

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this picture isn’t the best technically, but I love that natural flare

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just Vilnius

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more city

Moving on away from the city..

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I like this one really much somehow

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This one is so delicate and I am reaaaally happy this one turned out actually focused veeery good!

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This is a mysterious one! 

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this one is so simple, yet I like it somehow

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I can’t put in words how happy I am of this picture being completely out of focus. It looks bad technically, but I love the idea I put here (not even on purpose)


Okay, so here were all the pictures I wanted to share. Might be not that much, I tried to put together all the better and worth showing ones, in my opinion.
To end this post I would like to insert a picture of me taken on my film camera by my friend and wish everyone who read this amazing and warm May!

Stay inspired and cused,
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I DID IT

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Last year I graduated and decided, that it would be better if I go for a gap year and spend this year on something else rather than University. Yet in this spring I had to study for my University entry exams in order to get not only on my course but also a fellowship, funding possibilities. AND I DID IT.
Yes, since I registered for my exams I thought I will study so hard, as we probably all say during our exams. But reality was kind of different. Since I had a gap year I did not studied a thing so it was a challenge to make myself do it, as if I had to learn how to study once again. I started studying like…2-ish weeks before my polish and history exams and only week before I took it much more seriously.
Yesterday was the great day of my exams. Polish, first exam, was ridiculously easy yet the next one -history- was waaay harder. It was not something I expected and it was a pity I studied things which did not appeared on the exam. I was kinda disappointed on my wasted time. And todays was the day when I got my results. And it was waaay better than I could ever ask for. I got 215 out of 250, which I consider a great score! And I am reaaaally proud of myself. And now I can simply enjoy things the things I did – with ease. c: And I am enjoying a loooot of great thing. Life is beautiful. life is good.
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There’s a spring-ish photo of me and my narcissus. I am happy.


Cracow, see You in a bit.
I hope, oh I hope.

yowita

Spring’s mixtape

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Long time no post. Upcoming exams, studies, work, writing, drawing, learning, meetings, worries and other spontaneous things I have to do at a time keep me armpit-busy. Yet right now I am feeling a bit under the weather with a terrible flu so I thought it’s about a time to write here and share my favorite music or musicians, bands at the moment, which I may find therapeutic, fun or just enjoyable in a way.


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I get so much great use of Spotify thanks to my friend. I mean, brother:D aaah wouldn’t that be the same OH come on let’s talk about music.:D

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Glass Animals is a band I know for a while yet I never actually listened to them and recently I discovered their ZABA album which was released in 2014, and YES I discovered it just now. I like that album in general, the way it looks and sounds. But mostly I like Pools and Black Mambo songs, so I listen to these more.
Now, A$AP ROCKY is someone I was avoiding for a really long time. He seemed to me such uninteresting persona and I jumped into conclusion that I won’t like his songs. Yet here I am, listening to Electric Body and Love$ick. Yes, I don’t enjoy his every song, I am really picky and these two just seem ‘right’.
I like indie rock/pop music so Young the Giant is just right. And here, still, I remain picky, yet I can’t just sit calmly listening to Silvertongue or other songs. It gets me sooo hyped and I like that really much.
I told about being picky on A$AP ROCKY as a rapper, yet here I am with Joey Bada$$. I know him for a while since my close friend loves him, yet I never got to listen to him by my own, and Spotify makes that so easy. First song I heard from him is Hazeus View and since then it remains my favorite one. Still, I am picky with rap so it’s hard for me to enjoy his every song, yet I like most of them.
Flume, oh my dear Flume. This is something I never thought I would like. But I love Skin album, especially Skin Companion’s EP I and II – especially.

Let’s hurt tonight is a song by OneRepublic, which I love since it’s been released. Do I even have to comment on that?
NOW. KENDRICK LAMAR. I don’t even know where to start my description on how much do I love him and his music.  And HUMBLE just had to be on my playlist since its day one. I love it. Oh I love it so much. I love Kendrick. aaagh
I have no idea how The Baseballs got to be on my playlist with their funky covers yet I really enjoy it, they make me feel so happy and hyper with Lucky Guy (because I feel kinda lucky and joyful mostly so this became my mantra hahah)
Good, old Ben Howard. His songs are not new on my playlist, although Only Love is. I don’t know how could I miss such song. I love it. It’s more melancholic on the contrary, yet it’s just right after a long, busy and hard day.


And that’s probably it. A lot of songs are not new or most recent and popular, yet I just felt like sharing it here now. And yes, that’s not everything I listen to, obviously.
Right now, I’m gonna take on my headphones and search for a bike, write some letters and schedule my upcoming week. It’s Easter! Resurrection Sunday! I am excited!

Have a nice weekend, y’all.,
yowi

OH AND BY THE WAY.  My Spotify username: yoweeta

busybusybusy aaaghh

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It’s been a long time since my last post and I have some things to tell and show.

Right after the weekend I wrote about earlier I had an overwhelming amount of work to do. I had to cover a lot of shifts at work as well as work my own hours so I had to work for 9 days straight, mostly for 12hrs per day, which was crazy. It passed, luckily, and I thought I would be too exhausted to do a thing (which in fact I was), yet I had to do a lot of stuff and surprisingly it went well and I wasn’t troubled and weighed down by it. So, here, now, I will write some of them.
***
Tuesday, the 14th.
That was my first day of after working non-stop for nine days and I thought I would get some rest, snuggle all day with my cat in bed or watch some Breaking Bad, yet of course, it turned out to be different. Early in the morning I had to go to the city for some appointments and shopping, I came home quickly, baked cupcakes and headed on to my friend’s home for a visit.
She wanted to have an Interview with me, as with a person who overcame serious bullying and depression (in a way). We had a lovely and open talk about it and later we just had fun:D we ate, we laughed and shared a lot. It was lovely and precious, I really missed her since we don’t get to meet often.

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Thursday/Friday, the 16th/17th.
On Thursday I had more like a real-day off, after some doctor appointments, shopping and stopping by a local library. When I got home I played on my ukulele and I am kind of excited of my progress. And nothing more of that day, actually.

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1 cupcakes || 2 snapshot from the concert – that was nice but since I came there after work I was exhausted and couldn’t enjoy music completely so I went home after somewhat and hour || 3 me and my uke || 4 random picture kind of showing my new scarf and some papers for my doctors to fill in

Yet Friday was more intense and busy. I had to go on my appointments (yes, again, and that’s not the end) and a bank. I had to rush because I had to meet with my other friend. And we had some great time together. It’s strange, to be honest, but lovely and fun.

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and this is us! We were accidentally matching:D 

***
Our weather is crazy, literally. Sun might shine in the morning, on the afternoon the rain will pour down and snow on the evening. Or wind. Or sun. You should expect everything – it’s unpredictable. And sad, how am I supposed to ride my bike?:( (I don’t have it yet though, but I consider on getting one). And right now I am back at work and all of the interesting stories are over.


Although this spring appears to be really busy I am really loving the idea of it being this way, not any other. And I hope it will be positive, with a lot of sunshine and great time for everyone.

yowita

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First weekend

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I’ve been waiting for it sooo much. I thought I would never say that, but I am done with winter so far. I love winter, I like snow and it always gives me that cosy feeling inside being so bloody cold outside. BUT this year was somehow different, I don’t know why, maybe because of a lot of things happening or what but it got to that point where I was angry like never before about winter. The cold made me feel upset, angry, lonely and as bitter as it felt on my nose and freezing fingers. I lost count of how many times I lost my mittens  which made me feel more sad and devastated in general. I started hating those dark and short days which made me feel trapped with nothingness and boredom. I need orange sunshine, blue skies, heat, warm, green grass, light clothes. Yet right now I feel weighed down by my scarf and massive warm coat covering my 3 extra jumpers. BUT HERE IT IS – Spring is finally coming :33

Weather is still unsteady, it’s raining at one minute and on the other one it’s sunny yet it starts snowing later on and I’m not even exaggerating.1

This weekend my mom and me decided to go on a Kaziukas fair, which happens, if I am not wrong, every first weekend of March. That is a laaaarge annual folk arts and crafts fair in Vilnius ‘celebrated’ form the beginning of the 17th century, so that’s one of the oldest traditions of Vilnius city. We managed to see little because we had almost no time and the weather was crazy – it started pouring down so bad we decided to go home. Yet once we got home we packed a bit and went to the countryside to visit my grandmother and aunt.
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(You see, when I said about the weather I wasn’t joking – first picture with my selfie on the right side was taken 10 minutes before this picture above with clear sky.)
These were just some random pictures from my granny’s home. We did a lot of cleaning. I found my drawing (one You can see:D that’s one from my “fairytale” about that sad wolf crying by the river and being cheered up by a dog:D) and evening we spent at our aunt’s place, I actually fell asleep there after filling in my journal.
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These are some really random shots from our way back home. Some spring-ish forests, my lame outfit and my mother repairing her car. 😀 There’s nothing more to tell about that. Yet on my way back home I asked my friend if she would like to meet once I get home and luckily she could. So we met, had some food, desserts mainly, and went for a walk which was really lovely, we went on a place where we used to go after school, had a nice and fun chat remembering our past. We decided to take some pictures
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My posing skills are so bad, second and last pictures are proof of that. I was just overjoyed:D We have no good picture of us because of quality (since it was getting dark) and just, we are not the best looking today:D Yet we went for a walk further, talked, talked and talked. Aaand stopped for some warm tea and cacao.


Right now I am sitting and writing this post (which is not the best since I wasn’t planning this one) yet I felt need to share this here. By my side there is a burning candle called “Summer” which smells amaaaazing and makes me feel hopeful for upcoming spring and summer. And I hope it will be good. For me. For You


yowita

analog and pathetic me

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Hey! Today I would like to share a couple of pictures from my Zenit 11 and some thoughts I have. This post might be really messy and more sad than 2017-me would ever share again, but HERE I AM, feeling down a bit and having no one to talk to about it.
I remember my previous blogs filled with depressing posts and I always promise myself to stop posting sad things, but somehow I can’t help myself and now I am writing a sad post YAY. Every post was “deep” and thoughtful, had perfect sense for me – I just complicated it and messed around with words, creating some space for my reader to think about something, reflect, interpret in their own way. I was avoiding straightforwardness (?) because I didn’t wanted to be understood what the heck am I writing and going through. So I think this one might be something like that, I don’t know.

I don’t even know how to start, it’s been a while since I wrote a sad-blog-post or even described to someone the way I feel. The way I sad-feel. I am losing the ability to share negative things outside of me and I just shut everything down in myself. And I just feel so tired and drained having that inside of me. I feel spaced out from reality, fake to my surroundings and myself. I feel like I’ve been awake for 4 days and now I just can’t talk and function normally. My mind wanders somewhere and I genuinely think I’ve gone mad and not really sure whether I will see things like normal ever again. I still go to work, “do” and plan a lot yet I’m just somewhere… not really here. I am heartbroken, lonely and left alone with that crap, no one seems to care and willing to help. Pathetic. Today, for example, I went to scan my analog camera pictures, I had 36 in total in that B&W film and where were only 29 of them – 7 other were empty. I was so happy because it used to be more of those empty spaces in film, and now ONLY 7! I rushed home though wind and snow being more than hyped to finally see my 3 months in 29 analog pictures and oh my how disappointed I was. All pictures are so bad. Only 5 are worth showing or just.. being scanned. Other ones are just blurry, too bright, too dark. Let me show You.
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as I insert pictures here now in collages I don’t think these are too bad:? but still, it made me question my ability of holding camera, trying, sincerely loving what I do and it gave me thoughts of giving up on taking pictures. I feel bad for buying another, colored, film. And analog camera, in general. That’s just a waste of money and I feel truly bad and failed here.

Moving on what else I wanted to say is that I don’t actually remember staring at the mirror and thinking how ugly and fat and a waste of space am I. But here I am. And I don’t know why, maybe other people influence me, and my other friends calling themselves fat made me look at myself with disgust because now I have no one to stop me from doing this, not even unconsciously. I look at myself thinking how bad my skin looks, how dry it is there, and how oily here, my nails break, hands dry, how much food I eat, how less I sleep and how bad I dress. How shallow I became and how sad is it to watch me being someone else, losing ability to think deeper, special and look at things from perspective.
On top of everything I feel so broken and that probably we can count as one of the things that made me feel worse about myself, my looks. I feel kind of disgusted with myself. With myself being so stupidly naive. So naive I even believed I could be loved – which I never probably was. That’s pathetic. I was okay carrying my broken heart everywhere until a couple of days ago when I heard one -that-thing-. And I was okay knowing it until I over thought and came into conclusion, that I was never actually loved. Just. I was just there. Probably filling an empty space of other. Being just there while being someone else in their imagination. And I really can’t I don’t want to believe it. I fight myself with that though. It’s just.. unbelievable. Oh God. That can’t be true. No. How. What the f

—— regardless I would like to give myself some credit. For sharing this, in the first place. I still learn to love myself and the way my soul mourns and weeps about things. How strong am I, dealing with all the breakdowns I have, standing strong after so many confrontations. There’s a wonderful and positive side of this which I can’t see right now but I will look forward of getting there.  Of being there and not dwelling and begging my past to stay. I hope the sorrow I feel will be produced into something beautiful or just better than feeling itself. And for now I have to mourn, cry, weep and process. Yeah, good old processing. I’ve been doing that a lot lately (and not so).

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yowita

Cold Warsaw

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About a month ago I’ve decided to go and visit my friend in Warsaw, Poland. She is
studying there so I thought that would be amazing if I would go and visit Warsaw once more and spend some time with my friend. I planed a short-term trip and booked my tickets for February. This week, on Tuesday, early in the morning I left Vilnius and went to Poland.2017-02-10 04.28.17 1.jpg

Right when I left the bus in Warsaw I was super excited to see her and somehow I was overjoyed, that was really strange considering my  sympathy for Warsaw (which is, in fact, not that big:d).

I met her and her friend which was supposed to wander around with us. Obviously, was not bothered by her company, but I was really annoyed by the weather. It was terrible. It was snowing, wind was really heavy and cold and with that going on outside a lot of our plans were cancelled. Despite that, we visited some things and one of those was Warsaw’s National museum. It was huge and we thought we won’t manage to go through everything yet we were okay. I really enjoyed that, yet it wasn’t something I  expected. That was something like an art gallery, it had lots of paintings (mostly paintings), sculptures, and I thought it would be more history related. But that was exciting, either way. We did some shopping after that and in the evening enjoyed some sweet wine and chats, which was lovely and fun.

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On Wednesday, our last day before leaving, we had planed a lot of visiting, wandering, yet it was too cold. So we managed to go to only one museum, yet we spent more time there because that was really interesting. That was Warsaw’s Rising Museum. It’s a  museum which was opened as a tribute for those, who fought with residents for independent Warsaw and Poland in XX-th century. That was just mind-blowing and amazing. I really enjoyed wandering there, looking at war’s leftovers, documents, weapons and other things related to Warsaw’s Rising. (side note, how amazing and inspiring sounds this word?? RISING?? or it’s just me?:D); We did some shopping again and went back to the dorm for some relax. We had warm and cozy  evening there, watched some movies, cooked.Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

Early in the morning we had to leave. I was feeling really sick and weak on my way back home, for no particular reason. As soon as I came home I downloaded a movie (La La Land) and watched it under my blanket. Had a warm and relaxing evening.Processed with VSCO with f2 preset

To conclude my trip I would say, that it wasn’t the way I planed it, but that’s understandable and totally  fine. I met my friend – which was my main goal, and I am sure I am not visiting Warsaw for the last time.


Anyone who’s reading this – I hope You are fine.
I hope the rest of my month will be as productive as it is now.

*yowita

Making h15tory for seven years

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Today is the 1st of February but I really want to share here my last weekend of January: some thoughts, memories and something really precious for me.

I am really proud to say I have been a scout for seven years and still counting. SEVEN YEARS, that’s crazy. It means I am participating there since I was almost 11.
I am struggling so bad to participate right now as much as I could back then, go on trips and meeting with my troop, yet it gets really hard because of the work I have.
Yet this post will be my troop and Scout organisation appreciation post.:>

Everything started in 2010, when one of my classmates asked me if I would like to join them. I asked my parents and they agreed. I had really fun and nice time on our meetings and in winter I went on my first trip which was unforgettable and I had soooo much fun. I participated everywhere with huge enthusiasm and I felt really happy. Soon enough Scouts became really important for me, mainly because with them I could feel happy, cared, free, important and progressing personality. I had my downs – times, where I wasn’t participating for several reasons (stupid ones, from todays perspective) but I kept coming back.  And I don’t regret it.
A lot of people are asking me, why do I still participate there giving me quite logical reasons why I shouldn’t, yet that’s just something I just can’t give up. Something, that had (and still has in a way) gigantic impact on me and my personality. I don’t know if I could I talk like I do, dream that big, could I behave, could I love unconditionally and be loyal no matter what if not this organisation. Staying around such people back then made me feel happy and worthy, I was inspired to do good, because that mattered. I saw goodness winning so I didn’t wanted to be the other way. And I still don’t want that, of course. There I made a lot of friends, met a lot of people I can’t imagine my life without, made a lot of memories. And some of them I will share. In pictures.

 this is where we are now. I tried putting these pictures in chronological order. A lot of pictures are lost and this is just some precious moment I was able to find. Quality is not the best, yet every picture means a lot for me.
I really hope everyone has or will have such an important thing in their lives, as Scouts are for me.


yowita